A list of things the Autobots aren't allowed to do
by she-has-kitty-ears
Summary: Optimus writes a list of things the autobots aren't allowed to do. Humanformers.
1. Ratchet

This is humanformers.

* * *

A list of the things Ratchet is no longer allowed to do. By Optimus Prime

1\. Ratchet is no longer allowed to lick chocolate off of steak knives. Even if he says he was going to avoid the sharp parts.

2\. Ratchet is not allowed to be left alone with any of Arcee's nail polish. /It was nearly impossible to clean all the polish off the couches and walls./

3\. Ratchet is no longer allowed to install blades into his wrenches. /I should not have to give anybody an explanation for this one/

4\. Ratchet is not allowed to stick grenades down Wheeljack's pants while he is sleeping just because Wheeljack stole his favorite comb.

5\. Ratchet is no longer allowed to make ANY kind of upgrade to his wrenches. /I still have nightmares from the last time./

6\. Ratchet is not allowed to have a rhinoceros.

7\. He is also not allowed to "Borrow" a rhinoceros from the zoo so he can ride into battle and get to his patients faster.

8\. Ratchet is not allowed to borrow money from anyone without consulting me first.

9\. Ratchet is not allowed to attempt to do parkour on those bigger than him.

10\. When unsure of how to respond to something Ratchet is not allowed to start quoting movies. /I do not wish to provide an explanation. all that I shall say is that it ended in blood and tears...And possibly a few broken bones./

11\. Ratchet is not allowed to throw a fit just because no one would buy him that new 'Frozen' cereal.

12\. During check-ups Ratchet is not allowed to start making concerned noises and faces. /It really scares people and it is not fun./

13\. Ratchet is not allowed to injure anybody just because they called him "Chet"

14\. Ratchet is not allowed to stop a battle just because he wanted to compliment Starscream's heels.

15\. Ratchet is not allowed to throw wrenches at people who don't listen to him.

* * *

That's the end! Thanks for reading! I'll update as soon as possible!


	2. Arcee

A list of things Arcee is not allowed to do. By Optimus Prime

1\. Arcee is not allowed to punch, stab, shoot, or harm anybody in anyway just because they stole her chocolate.

2\. Arcee is not allowed to make Cliffjumper wear a child leash.

3\. Arcee is no longer allowed to dress up as Jason Voorhees and hide in people's bedrooms.

4\. Arcee is not allowed to walk or run on railings.

5\. Arcee is not allowed to use a ouija board to talk to dead friends.

6\. Arcee is not allowed to shoot people in their "privates" when she is angry.

7\. Arcee is not allowed to summon Satan so he can braid her hair.

8\. Arcee is not allowed to make human sacrifices for pizza. /*Sighs* I'm getting to old for this./

9\. Arcee is not allowed to steal Ratchet's pajamas. /Even if you both are the same size and he has Ninja Turtle pajamas./

10\. Arcee is not allowed to tell strangers that she is the Queen and will send them to the dungeons if they don't bow before her.

11\. Arcee is not allowed to have flashbacks to wars she was never in.

12\. Arcee is not allowed to quote G.I. Joe during battles.

13\. Arcee is not allowed to dance on the kitchen table.

14\. Arcee is not allowed to tell people she was best friends with Michael Jackson.

15\. Arcee is not allowed to put her cat as her emergency contact.


	3. Wheeljack

A list of things Wheeljack is not allowed to do by Optimus Prime.

1\. Wheeljack is not allowed to hide grenades in his or Ratchet's hair.

2\. Wheeljack is not allowed to dress up as the little mermaid and cry when he sees dead fish at the store.

3\. Wheeljack is not allowed to put grenades in the toilet. / *sighs* We're on a budget and you are not helping./

4\. Wheeljack is not allowed to hide snakes under Ultra Magnus' bed. / Ultra Magnus wouldn't sleep in his room for three weeks./

5\. Wheeljack is not allowed to sneak onto the decepticon base without permission.

6\. Wheeljack is not allowed to build robot dinosaurs and then say Ratchet did it. / I know it wasn't him. He was on a mission with me all week./

7\. Wheeljack is not allowed to dress up as Elsa and throw ice at people while singing Let it go.

8\. Wheeljack is not allowed to throw grenades at people when he is annoyed.

9\. Wheeljack is not allowed to put up lost dog signs with a picture of Ultra Magnus on them.

10\. Wheeljack is not allowed to steal Arcee's lipstick and use it as war paint.

11\. Wheeljack is not allowed to yell "Hey Idiot!" in public. / It confuses and offends people./

12\. Wheeljack is not allowed to steal Bulkhead's cookies and replace them with vegetables.

13\. Wheeljack is not allowed to challenge people to a sword fight with tubes of gift wrap.

14\. Wheeljack is not allowed to convince Bulkhead to play hide and go seek in walmart.

15\. Wheeljack is not allowed to put his swords in the wall.


	4. Ultra Magnus

A list of things Ultra Magnus is not allowed to do allowed to do anymore by Optimus Prime.

1\. Ultra Magnus is not allowed to act like Thor.  
2\. Ultra Magnus is not allowed to hit people with books.  
3\. Ultra Magnus is not allowed to blame anything on Smokescreen or Wheeljack.  
4\. Ultra Magnus is not allowed to dump a bottle of perfume on people with bad body odor.  
5\. Ultra Magnus is not allowed to dump the person he is dating just because they have not seen 'Men in black'.  
6\. Ultra Magnus is not allowed to curse in Greek. / I know what you say and it gets really mean./  
7\. When children are in the middle of the street Ultra Magnus is not allowed to yell "Natural selection!"  
8\. Ultra Magnus is not allowed to organize the bowl of M&M's.  
9\. Ultra Magnus is not allowed to text his boyfriend during meetings.  
10\. Ultra Magnus is not allowed to hide all the Nutella in his room  
11\. Ultra Magnus is not allowed to refer to the Wreckers as "His idiot Babies."  
12\. Ultra Magnus is not allowed to use his violin to do a cover of 'Do it for him' from Steven Universe.  
13\. Ultra Magnus is not allowed to make any more Shia Labeouf videos.  
14\. Ultra Magnus is not allowed to have any more 'Buffy the Vampire slayer' Marathons.  
15\. Ultra Magnus is not allowed to use his hammer as a baseball bat.


	5. Safety rules

A list of safety rules for the new recruits. By Optimus Prime

1\. Do not mess with or steal Ratchet's wrenches. / He may be ninety pounds but he can still beat you up./  
2\. No one is allowed to steal Jazz's Sandwich. / It is not a fun dare it is a death wish./  
3\. If you like living then do NOT fill Ironhide's cannons with glitter.  
4\. Do not attempt to hold Ultra Magnus' hammer.  
5\. No more Madonna. / I am not providing explanations./  
6\. Do not ask Smokescreen why he is afraid of dogs. Just don't.  
7\. Do not tell Arcee that she belongs in the kitchen. / She has my permission to hurt you if you say that./  
8\. Do not mess with, hurt, or upset Miko. / Bulkhead is very protective of her./  
10\. No rickrolling. Just no.  
11\. Do not make fun of the rescue team just because they don't have combat training. / They can be quite terrifying when angry./  
12\. Heatwave is a firefighter. When He say that lighting a cord on fire is going to end horribly you should LISTEN TO HIM.  
13\. No more puns. / Next person to make on is getting put in the brig for a year./  
14\. Do not take the rescue vehicles out for a joyride. If there were to be an emergency then the rescue team would have no way of getting to it.  
15\. The Weapons room is for storing our weapons. NOT for playing Marco Polo.

* * *

Yay new chapter! Now with Rescue Bots!  
If anybody has ideas for new rules I would love to hear them! :)


	6. Bumblebee

A list of things Bumblebee is no longer allowed to do by Optimus Prime.

1\. Bumblebee is NOT allowed to participate in drag races.  
2\. Bumblebee is no longer allowed to play Minecraft. / I don't know what he did all I know is that the computer was on fire./  
3\. Bumblebee is not allowed to encourage Chase to hide ducklings under his bed. / We have a no pet rule for a reason./  
4\. Bumblebee is not allowed to make coffee with redbull. / I have never seen someone so hyped up./  
5\. Bumblebee is not allowed to throw a fit just because someone called him short.  
6\. Bumblebee is not allowed to encourage Jack to go racing. / It is quite dangerous and he could be killed. Also I will not protect you from Arcee or June when they find out./  
7\. Bumblebee is not allowed to threaten people with black magic.  
8\. Bumblebee is not allowed to form a militia  
9\. Bumblebee is not allowed to quote Dr. Seuss during missions.  
10\. Bumblebee is not allowed to wear gowns during missions. / *Sighs*/  
11\. Bumblebee is not allowed to refer to Ratchet as 'Mom'. / You know it upsets him./  
12\. Bumblebee is not allowed to imitate King Kong with Raf.  
13\. Bumblebee is no longer allowed to hide Raf in gym bags.  
14\. Bumblebee is not allowed to tie stuffed animals to his feet.  
15\. Bumblebee is no longer allowed to dress up as a ninja.

* * *

Big thanks to Alana-kittychan for the ideas! :)


	7. Smokescreen

A list of things Smokescreen is not allowed to do. By Optimus Prime.

1\. Smokescreen is not allowed to tell Jazz and Prowl he 'ships' them or tell them that they are married in another universe. / Ultra Magnus and Prowl are a couple and It angers both of them when you do that./  
2\. Smokescreen is not allowed to play Gangnam style.  
3\. Smokescreen is no longer allowed to feed peanut butter to ducks.  
4\. Smokescreen is not allowed to play FNAF.  
5\. Smokescreen is no longer allowed to tell people he is from an alternate timeline.  
6\. Smokescreen is NOT allowed to pick up a chainsaw. / I still do not understand how you managed to cut the car in half./  
7\. Smokescreen is no longer allowed to have movie marathons with Bluestreak.  
8\. Smokescreen is not allowed to walk into the rec room and start a sentence with "I'm sure none of you would dare..."  
9\. Smokescreen is not allowed to gamble.  
10\. Smokescreen is not allowed to go on a shopping spree.  
11\. Smokescreen is not allowed to go anywhere near Ratchet's Fluttershy plushie. / I don't care if it makes a velociraptor noise when you squeeze it. Wheeljack gave him that plushie and it is very special to him./  
12\. Smokescreen is not allowed to give marriage counseling. / You always make it worse./  
13\. Smokescreen is not allowed to stock up for the zombie apocalypse. /It's not happening./  
14\. Smokescreen is not allowed to attempt to fly helicopters. / I've never seen Blades so mad./  
15\. Smokescreen is not allowed to have inflatable sheep.


	8. Heatwave

A list of things Heatwave is no longer allowed to do By Optimus Prime.

1\. Heatwave is not allowed to hide his turtle in the dishwasher. / Lord Voldetort bit me when I pulled her out./  
2\. Heatwave is not allowed to pick up Cody and yell "Sanctuary!" / It does not get you out of trouble./  
3\. Heatwave is no longer allowed to dye Kade's hair pink.  
4\. Heatwave is not allowed to do anything that makes him giggle for more than fifteen seconds.  
5\. Heatwave is not allowed to race with his team on spinny chairs.  
6\. Heatwave is no longer allowed to swear on his pretty floral bonnet. / You didn't even know what a bonnet was until twenty minutes ago yet you still managed to cause so much trouble./  
7\. Heatwave is not allowed to put on a cape and tell people he is the lizard king.  
8\. Heatwave is no longer allowed to use the microwave without supervision. / Jazz does not count as supervision./  
9\. Heatwave is no longer allowed to drink tea.  
10\. Heatwave is not allowed to tell people he is the long lost Princess Anastasia.  
11\. Heatwave is no longer allowed to play board games with High Tide.  
12\. Heatwave is not allowed to throw his boots at Kade's head.  
13\. Heatwave is no longer allowed to wear Dani's makeup. / Even if she says it's okay./  
14\. Heatwave is not allowed to teach Boulder how to curse in spanish.  
15\. Heatwave is no longer allowed to put a furby under the driver's seat of anyone's car.


	9. Blades

A list of things Blades is not allowed to do by Optimus Prime.

1\. Blades is not allowed to watch horror movies alone. / Heatwave doesn't like hunting zombie hamsters in the middle of the night./  
2\. Blades is no longer allowed to wear dresses.  
3\. Blades is not allowed to play Five Nights At Freddie's.  
4\. Blades is not allowed to play Five Nights At Freddie's with Smokescreen.  
5\. Blades is no longer allowed to use a hair dryer to help Boulder's paintings dry faster.  
6\. Blades is not allowed to listen to dubstep during rescues.  
7\. Blades is no longer allowed to play Halo 3. / The other ones you can play. Just not THAT one./  
8\. Blades is not allowed to wear no heel high heels.  
9\. Blades is not allowed to steal his teammates blankets.  
10\. Blades is no longer allowed to binge watch netflix.  
11\. Blades is not allowed to hide puffins in his room.  
12\. Blades is no longer allowed to call Chase 'Twilight Sparkle.'  
13\. Blades is not allowed to play more than three hours of video games.  
14\. Blades is not allowed to pretend he is a dragon.  
15\. Blades is not allowed to steal bread sticks from Olive Garden.


	10. Explanations

Explanations. By Optimus Prime

* * *

I was icing a cake when Ratchet asked if he could lick the chocolate off of the steak knife I used. I was going to tell him no but he said he would avoid all of the sharp parts. I made the mistake of trusting him. I turned around to wash the dishes and not even five seconds passed when I heard him scream. I turned to see he had nearly cut his tongue in half.  
That is why he is no longer allowed to lick chocolate off of steak knives.

* * *

Smokescreen got a good deal on inflatable sheep. I do not know why, but he got them. At first it was kind of cute seeing sheep decorating the garden, or finding one sitting at the table, But it got out of control real fast. While everyone was asleep, Smokescreen bought more inflatable sheep. He put them everywhere, in the bathrooms, bedrooms, kitchen. Soon the house was completely filled with the sheep. There was barely enough space for anyone to breath. We barely got out of there. I made Smokescreen get rid of them all by himself.  
That is why Smokescreen is not allowed to have inflatable sheep.

* * *

I know that we have a no pet rule. I also know that it is unfair to let Heatwave have a pet but not let anyone else have one. I was going to make Heatwave get rid of the turtle when I found her, but he got upset. He wasn't yelling or screaming or throwing things around, he just looked like he was going to cry. He told me that she came from a bad home where she was never fed and never got taken care of. He also told me that she had been abused and terrified when he found her. Politely, he asked if we could keep her. I couldn't say no, it would be wrong for me to let others who came from a bad home live here but not let her. So that is why Heatwave gets to keep Lord Voldetort.  
That is also why we have a turtle as our unofficial mascot.

* * *

I know it seems like an offensive rule, not letting Blades wear dresses, but I made that rule for his safety. He was wearing one of Dani's longer ones, when a person called in an emergency. The rescue team didn't have time to change out of their pajamas, or in Blades case, a dress. I am not quite sure of what happened, but I do know that it is a wild story.  
Somehow Blades dress got caught in some kind of floating device, which somehow ended up with him tangled in a tree. Then apparently the tree branch he was on broke and fell into the river. I have been told that, before his team could get to him, a car exploded. Metal from the car hit him, causing him to nearly drown. I do not know what happened next, when they got back Blades had a broken foot, a bleeding head, and bruises and cuts all over.  
That is why I made that rule. It was not because I was being mean, but because I worry about him.

* * *

I left him alone for five minutes, Just five minutes, It wasn't that long. I had to go outside to make a short call. I told him that he could go on ahead and drink his tea. I do not understand how something like this could happen. When I was done with the call I opened the door. That was a big mistake. Thousands of gallons of tea came rushing out, it almost drowned me. When the last drops of tea poured out, I looked up to see Heatwave, who was soaking wet.  
He is never going to be allowed to drink tea again. 


	11. Surviving the rescue team

A list of rules to follow if you want to survive the rescue team by Optimus Prime.

1\. Do not ever steal the remote from them. / Blades will scream bloody murder until you give it back, Chase WILL bite you, Heatwave will throw a fit, and Boulder will hunt you down./  
2\. Do not tease Chase. / He may seem calm but he actually has a horrible temper. He is worse than Heatwave./  
3\. Do not litter or harm nature. / Boulder will give you a three hour lecture and Chase will give you a ticket, He gave me one./  
4\. Do not say that Heatwave is 'The Mom Friend'. / He will throw something at you. That something will most likely be sharp./  
5\. Do not hide Boulder's paintbrushes. / He won't yell at you but he will be upset./  
6\. Unless you want to deal with Heatwave going on a rampage, do not steal the pink bow off of Lord Voldetort's head.  
7\. Do not mention anything about a cat stuck in a tree. / It makes them grumpy real fast./  
8\. If you hear any of them say 'Mmm whatcha say' then you need to clear the area as fast as possible and find a commanding officer. / If that commanding officer refuses to go just tell them 'Code meme'. They will know what it means./  
9\. Do not steal or tamper with their rescue equipment. / If you do you will have four murderous boys after you./  
10\. If Chase says the blue in his hair is natural then it is natural. / It is better to just agree with him, it saves lots of time.  
11\. Blades can sometimes be seen eating ice cream out of the tub while crying. He is fine. / He does not need comfort he is just crying about Chris Pratt again./  
12\. If Heatwave asks if you can watch his brother's pet just say no. / His brother's pet is a twenty pound lizard named Bob./  
13\. If you hear the words 'Trex is mad/glitching!' Just run. Run and don't look back.  
14\. Do not question their fashion choices. / I am sure Boulder had a good reason for wearing that hat./  
15\. If the Jaws theme song starts randomly playing then you need to leave that room/area immediately. Chase might be getting ready to bite you.

* * *

Bob the insecticon is a lizard in this! Also Sunstreaker and Sideswipe are Heatwave's older brothers in this story. 


	12. Optimus

A list of things Optimus Prime is no longer allowed to do by Ultra Magnus.

1\. Optimus is no longer allowed to use basketball moves to fight Decepticons.  
2\. Optimus is not allowed to make pancakes. / He made the oven explode./  
3\. Optimus is no longer allowed to quote Pride and Prejudice. / It was fine at first but it got out of hand when he quoted it in front of Megatron./  
4\. Optimus is NOT allowed to make dad jokes.  
5\. Optimus is not allowed to spend 32$ on asparagus.  
6\. Optimus is no longer allowed to speak french. / I do not wish to explain./  
7\. Optimus is not allowed to eat Prowl's skittles. / Prowl was not a happy camper that night./  
8\. Optimus is no longer allowed to name teams. / He tried to rename the Wreckers 'The Kitties'./  
9\. Optimus is not allowed to become a 'Lady of Sealand'.  
10\. Optimus is no longer allowed to play fetch with bunnies.  
11\. Optimus is not allowed to put bagels on his head.  
12\. Optimus is no longer allowed to take bubble baths.  
13\. Optimus is not allowed to dress up as Merlin.  
14\. Optimus is not allowed to date my older sister.  
15\. Optimus is no longer allowed to eat dinosaur chicken nuggets during meetings.


	13. Boulder

Hey everyone! I'm so sorry I haven't updated in forever. I've had a huge case of writers block and just lost my inspiration for this story. But I'm back and trying to get into the groove of things again! I'm gonna try to update at least once a week if not more.

* * *

A list of things Boulder is no longer allowed to do by Optimus Prime.

1\. Boulder is not allowed to adopt a lion.

2\. He is not allowed to play Pulp Fiction with a nerf gun and Chase.

3\. Can't have a sock puppet do his job so he can "water his plants."

4\. Boulder is no longer allowed to start any situation report with "I recently had an experience I just had to write to you about."

5\. Is not allowed to take a cactus into classified areas.

6\. He is not allowed to report an "Emergency" if that emergency is a cat on a bridge.

7\. Boulder is not allowed to form a militia consisting of himself, Trex or any birds.

8\. Can't walk into a restaurant wearing a gorilla costume.

9\. Boulder cannot slide down the stairs on a mattress.

10\. Can't impersonate Bob Ross past midnight. 

* * *

Come check me out on my Tumblr rubyheatwave. 3


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